Stuff is Stuff - Love is Love

Clipart from Microsoft.

Stuff.  Everyone has it.  And there never seems to be enough room for it all.  When we’re not careful, stuff can take over our lives, define who we are, dominate our homes and our time and crowd out things that really matter.  Like the ability to have time and energy for the people we care about.

It doesn’t have to.  Sometimes, you just have to say, “Enough is enough!” and get ruthless.  In her writings on decluttering, Flylady Marla Cilley gives guidelines on what to keep and what to get rid of.  These basically boil down to “Do you want it, need it, or love it?”  A few days ago, after weeks of procrastinating, I decided to finally give it a try.

Yesterday, while clearing years of accumulated junk from a closet, it hit me:  Stuff is Not Love.  Just because the person who gave you something loves you, it doesn’t mean that you have to hang onto that thing if you don’t want, need, or love it.  Love is love; stuff is stuff.  Sometimes stuff is given as an expression of love, but it isn’t the same thing.  If someone loved you before they gave you something, they’ll still love you regardless of whether you keep it.

You might think this would be obvious, yet when it really sank in, it had a profound effect.  I was able to take a gift I’d received two years earlier, which was still in good condition, and pass it on to my sister as a holiday present.  She loved it – and will use it.

Understanding that Stuff is Not Love makes regifting guilt-free!

So far I have decluttered my dresser, a mound of clean laundry, and most of one closet.  Three big bags of clothes went to the donation box for a local women’s shelter.  A whole trash bin of just plain junk not even worth passing on to someone else is waiting for garbage day.  And bags of gifts for friends are ready to be delivered.  It’s energizing.  It’s addictive.

Even better, when we understand that stuff is not love and start releasing the stuff we’ve accumulated into the world, we are loving ourselves by understanding that we do not need to give or receive things to be loveable.  And we are letting those things that are still useable go on to others who do need them, want them, and will love them.

Stuff is stuff.  Love is love.

You are worthy of love just as you are.

From Dream to Done: An Interview with Marthe Hagen

Photo courtesy of Marthe Hagen.

Discovering Marthe Hagen’s blog, The Freedom Experiment, was for me one of those happy accidents that come along at such a right time it almost seemed like something the Universe had prearranged.  This summer had been a particularly hard time for me, and each of Marthe’s posts seemed to come when I needed them and be exactly what I needed to read.  So when Marthe posted the query on her blog, “Would you like to interview me?” as part of her experiment with openness, I had to jump at the chance.  I emailed her and said I had never interviewed anyone before, that it would be an adventure for both of us.  To my delight (and terror) she agreed.

 

Marthe describes herself and her blog thus:

Marthe Hagen is a soulful and adventurous writer and imagemaker.  She lives in Norway and is passionate about writing, reading and exploring the world.  She writes, inspires, aims high, asks hard questions, crashes and burns (much like a phoenix) over at The Freedom Experiment.

A Freedom Experiment is about giving yourself the freedom to be you.  It’s about making tough choices, taking control, and following your dreams.  Marthe is a collector of dreams and would love it if you want to share your dream in her Dreambank.  You can also connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.

We exchanged emails and agreed, since our time zones are separated by something on the order of eight hours, that I would come up with a list of questions, which she would answer by email.  It worked out wonderfully, and here is the interview:

You call your blog "The Freedom Experiment." Can you explain the concept of a "freedom experiment," and how did you decide this was what you wanted to do?

I started my first Freedom Experiment when I moved to England to study photography a couple of years ago.  It had always been my dream to live abroad and to study something creative in university.  However, I had ended up in a very competitive law school and was both unhappy with the course I was on and the place I was living.  I wasn't ready to pack up everything and to make a radical change in my life, so instead I decided to experiment with making my dreams come true.  I gave myself one year to play with living abroad and study something creative.

Making it an experiment rather than a permanent or long-term thing made it so much easier to realize, both on a personal and a practical level. It made me go from dream to done!

In short, a Freedom Experiment is an experiment where you carry out a smaller scale version of your dream – whether that be a career, a journey, a one-time experience or a role.  Freedom Experiments often make the impossible seem and be possible.

What adventure in your life have you most enjoyed, and which one was the most difficult? Why?

The adventure I have loved the most in my life has definitely been experimenting with making my life location-independent.  Over the course of a couple of years, I have slowly eased into a career in writing, coaching and consulting that allows me to travel freely and take my work with me when I go.  This has been a rocky road – which are often the most adventurous roads to travel!  I've had some really high highs (literally – sleeping on the 13th floor of a 5-star hotel in Malaysia) and some low lows (including, but not limited to wooden huts, cold showers and lots of credit card debt).

The most difficult "adventure" I've experienced has been coming to terms with my personal limitations, and realizing that I needed professional help with managing my moods and self-destructive behaviour.  At the time of this interview, I have been in therapy for almost two years, and I won't pretend that it hasn't been difficult.  However, it has also been very rewarding and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for the insight and life experience mental illness has given me.

Has there ever been a time when you had serious doubts about one of your life experiments and wanted to give up? What did you do?

I have had serious doubts about a million times.  No, seriously!  When I lived in England, I developed a chronic pain disorder and I very seriously considering to leave England and go home after 6 months.  I have also found myself on the other side of the world desperately wanting to hop on the first flight home.

In the end, I didn't leave England but found a way to take care of my well-being and continue with my experiment.  Other times, I have decided to abort mission and craft a new plan.  I think it's important to take doubts seriously and to follow your heart.  There's nothing wrong with changing your plans if that is what's right for you.

"Tiny Random Choices" refers to the small, seemingly-insignificant decisions we make that nonetheless have a great impact on our lives. Can you look back and share an example of such a choice you made that significantly affected your life?

I think the smallest big decision I has ever made was to start a blog.  Three and a half years ago I decided to start my own blog after reading blogs eagerly for several months.  I thought "Hey, I can do this!" and threw myself out there.  Back when I started, I had absolutely no idea how important blogging would become for me – and I had no understanding of the doors that would be opened, the opportunities that would follow and the friendships that my blog would be the catalyst for.

And now, three and a half year later, I am taking the step into full-time self-employment.  Who would’ve known!

What stirs your soul more than anything? Why?

My heart really aches for people who are suffering from behind their own self-built prison bars.  I used to be one of those people – I was so worried and afraid of what people would think of me that I didn't dare to live.  Now, I find tremendous power and meaning in being able to pass on my experience and help people heal.  It's what makes everything fall into place!

Congratulations, by the way, on your first e-book, which is coming out December 6th. Could you tell a little bit about it?

Thank you so much!  Feeling Good when Life is Hard is a book about finding the good things in a world full of chaos.  It contains some very personal stories from my life – each holding its own powerful life lesson.  In addition, I share my best tips, strategies and hard-earned wisdom on topics like emotional coping skills, self-care, openness, vulnerability and dreaming big.  It's part memoir, part self-help book and my hope is that it will help the reader feel more hopeful, confident and empowered – even in the midst of great challenge.

What would you like to say to the world more than anything else?

Everything is possible!  The goal might not always turn out to be what you thought it would be.  It might not happen when you most wanted it to happen.  But I strongly believe that there are no absolute limitations to our strength, our wisdom, our endurance and our truth.

[Edit:  Added photo credit.]



Friday Adventure

Some of the most beautiful parts of Life's journey are found by the side of the road.

Yesterday my husband and I took off on a spontaneous adventure.  With our son spending a couple of days with his cousins, we had free time on our hands, so we went in search of fall foliage.  My best friend had given me reports of gorgeous autumn leaves in Parker County on her way through a couple of days earlier, so hubby and I jumped in the car, hoping that the stout north wind that was blowing hadn't blown all the leaves off the trees yet.  We were well rewarded:

Deep reds, yellows, oranges and browns mingled everywhere with lingering greens, by freeways, back roads, and parks.

Not even power lines could detract from the beauty that was everywhere we looked.  We even discovered a lake that we'd never seen before:

Sunlight glitters on Lake Weatherford

We got lost and turned around and it didn't matter, because we were having fun, exploring parts of our world that we'd driven by but never really looked at before.  My spirit rode high on adrenaline and wonder and the joy of spending time having fun with someone I loved.

We ended our trip with a celebratory ice cream at a Dairy Queen before turning back towards home.  As we drove back into the city, I felt myself coming down from that high place of excitement I'd been in, drawing back into the more contained, subdued me I keep myself in.  And yet the memories of that trip are with me, are part of my journey, in my heart as well as my camera.

Can't fence in beauty.

We can build fences around our worlds, in our minds, but only we can keep ourselves inside them.  Freedom starts in the heart.

Fall in Full Swing

The Bradford pear outside my brother-in-law's house is finally turning to fall colors.

 

 

Autumn is finally in full swing here in North Central Texas.  The trees are turning to fall colors - even the Bradford pears, which have been reluctant to give up their green leaves this year, are at last yielding to the waning light and cooler temperatures and are starting to put on their red.  Some trees, like the elm tree over my driveway, have been dressed for the season for a couple of weeks now.

 

This morning I woke to the wind in the trees and leaves falling outside my window.  With the classical radio station playing Tchaikovsky's "Waltz of the Flowers" from the Nutcracker Suite, it made for a perfect serene moment to relax and just enjoy being in the moment.

 

Soon the trees will be bare, the air will turn cold, and the holidays will be upon us.  For now, though, I'll appreciate the fall a little longer.  And share another photo for everyone to enjoy:

 

 

Autumn leaves dance in the wind.

 

 



Tiny Bits of Gratitude

I sat down intending to write a post about gratitude, since Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of days, here in the U.S.  And maybe I will write a post about it sometime, but not right now.  Right now, between work and writing and family responsibilities, it feels like my life is in a holding pattern, waiting to land or take off, and while I have a number of feelings about that, I can't honestly say gratitude is one of them.  At least, not yet.

"But," you might say, "Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for what we have and those we love, even if our lives aren't really where we want them to be right now."  And you'd be right, of course.  To me, the act of thanksgiving, or expressing gratitude, is a sacred act, whether it be expressed between myself and another person, or myself and the Universe.  To express it, I have to really feel it.  But right now, most of what I feel is tired.

That isn't to say I feel ungrateful - far from it.  The fact that I've been working longer hours this week means I get to see some truly breathtaking sunsets on my way home from work, like this one:



A Fort Worth sunset, as captured by my cell phone.

Beautiful sunsets give my attitude a lift, and I've been capturing some of them and posting them to my Flickr photostream.  I've had some fun experiences meeting other local writers for write-ins for NaNoWriMo, and some great evenings eating pizza and watching movies with my family.  And I've gotten a lot of great hugs from my son.  So I guess I could say I've been finding my gratitude in tiny bits this month, instead of in big things.

And maybe the tiny bits of gratitude are more important in the long run, anyway.

Well, I guess I wrote about gratitude after all.  Funny where the streams of our thoughts can take us.  For those who celebrate it, have a happy Thanksgiving.  And to everyone, everywhere, I wish you peace, prosperity, and happiness.

7 Blogs in One Post

Being what my best friend describes as “genetically shy,” and also a bit of a contrarian, I suppose it makes a zany kind of sense that I’d want to start a blog.  Truth is, though, the old saw about no one being an island still applies, even in the blogosphere.  So I’d like to share some blogs with you that I follow and that have either guided me on my journey so far, given me enjoyment and inspiration, or a little of both.

First, a shout out to Joanne Faries of Word Splash, to thank her for linking me on her blog.  Joanne is a writer and a friend of mine from Trinity Writer’s Workshop.  She crafts short stories and poetry, and is also a film critic for a paper in San Saba.

I discovered The Freedom Experiment when I was doing some serious soul-searching over the summer.  Marthe, who writes it, encourages her readers to dig down inside themselves to discover their dreams and then take bold steps to live them.  She reminds us all of our own self-worth every chance she gets; in fact, this post reduced me to tears when a guest minister at our church quoted it in his sermon earlier this year, and I ended up reading and re-reading it many times to get through a difficult summer.  I still read it from time-to-time.

From Marthe’s site, I discovered Sir Flamingo and Leonie Dawson.  Both blogs are about living your dreams, but with completely different approaches.  Casey Addinsall, aka Sir Flamingo, specializes in what she calls “engaging good-for-you nonsense” and points out that “we’re here for a good time, not a long time,” so we should make it count.  Leonie Dawson rolls as the Business Goddess and brings sparkling rays of much-needed sunshine as she seeks to help other women fulfill their dreams of doing what they love and having their own businesses.

A couple of my friends on LoseIt have blogs I enjoy following, as well.  Trevor LaRene writes Make Your Someday Today!, where he shares recipes, weight-loss tips, and life experiences on his journey to a fitter, healthier him.  Trevor, by the way, has lost over 80 pounds and is keeping it off, and his blog helped plant the idea in my head that I might want to start my own.

Danni Blazek writes curvesRkicken, where she chronicles her journey from "skinny fat" to bodybuilder.  I love her in-your-face attitude and never-say-die outlook, and she posts photos of her progress that make me want to grab my dumbbells and work out every time I see them.

Most recently, I started reading 4 Quarters, 10 Dimes.  David, a political historian who writes 4Q10D, shares stories and photos from his life, with occasional political commentary.  And while I won’t spend any time on politics here (as this is not a political blog), his posts range from thought-provoking to humorous, and are always enjoyable.

So here’s a sample of what I’ve been reading lately.  I hope these bloggers and their sites give you as much enjoyment and inspiration as they have me.  (And now – back to that NaNo novel!)  :-)

November Wishes

Our red sunflowers are hanging on to summer a little longer. November 2012.

I love November. A quiet little breathing space between Halloween and Thanksgiving, to just enjoy the autumn before descending into the stress and chaos of the holidays. Here in Texas, the days are now noticeably shorter and cooler, and leaves on the trees are starting to turn colors. A sense of anticipation of winter sets in.

In Texas, it's hard to know what to expect from winter - last year, it barely got cold at all, while two years ago we had more snow than I've ever seen! What will it be, this year? Only time will tell.



House Finch in a Snowy Tree. From February 2010, looking out our back window.

Personally, I'm asking Santa for snow.

Diving In Headfirst

This photo copyright 2012 Charlotte Bailey.  All rights reserved.

 

Today is the start of a new month, so what better time to kick off my blog with its first entry?  I’ve been taking some time setting it up; now it’s time to dive in headfirst!

I decided to start keeping a blog because I want to share my life experiences, my thoughts, art and writing with the world, in hopes that another person might find ideas in its pages that will help them grow, much as the blogs I follow have helped me.  This year has been a year of great changes for me, and as those changes continue to ripple through my life into the future, I will share them here.  (From time to time, I may also post the occasional recipe or article I find interesting.)

Those changes got started by a promise I made myself at the beginning of the year.  When everyone else was making their New Year’s resolutions, I promised myself I would try three new things this year.  From joining LoseIt.com to try a different way of losing weight, to joining FlyLady.net to learn how to declutter my house, to starting this blog and deciding to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days, it has been an exciting, challenging, crazy year of new things.  So much so that I just might do it again next year!

And speaking of writing that novel in 30 days, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) started today!  I’ll add a widget to this page to track my word count, for those who want to follow my progress.

Comments, questions and feedback are always welcome; just respond in the comment section below.  Please keep posts friendly – I reserve the right to remove any posts with spam, hateful language, etc.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!